In SMA Veteran’s October Win, A Return to 2008

At first glance, it seems obvious why Hunter Parrish re-took the top spot on the Sexiest Males Alive list. After all, the sixth season of Weeds is well underway, and my love for the guy occasionally makes me want to rewatch It’s Complicated. But actually, there is no particular reason why Hunter won. He just has most of what this list measures; sexiness. Oddly, I thnk the fact that Hunter won on this simple yet so complicated metric alone, is itself kind of beautiful.

Speaking of shakeups for no apparent reason, I genuinely surprised myself by moving Joe Jonas up no less than seventeen spots, enabling him to claim the Climber of the Month title. Sure, his dip to #47 in June may was probably too steep, but I didn’t expect such a forceful bounce-back. That said, I admit I’ve been watching some episodes of Jonas lately. At the opposite end of the scale, Ryan Phillippe, one of June’s great climbers, falls 17 spots to #46.

This month the newcomers are led by Glee‘s recent addition Chord Oversteet at a solid #14, but he’s not alone in representing the show, as Chris Colfer, his rumored boyfriend on the show, debuts at #23. They are joined by Gabriel Thomson (#32), who plays the gay Michael Harper on British sitcom My Family, and Sterling Knight, of Disney Channel’s Sonny With A Chance at an impressive #20. The infusion of fresh blood is completed with a couple returnees. McFly’s Dougie Poynter takes #22 courtesy of extensive nakedness in Attitude this summer, while German soccer god Lukas Podolski rides the aftershocks of the Soccer World Cup to #34. It’s been more than two years since Podolski made his last and only appearance on the SMA.

Among the people relegated, we count at least three guys who fell very far to slip off the list. William Moseley, of Narnia fame, actually was June’s best climber, and now he’s gone. Equally surprising, V‘s Logan Huffman fell from a seemingly safe #36 to below the #50 mark. There they are accompanied by Chace Chawford, who has shown before that he could be able to claw his way back onto the list. His demise this time was not terribly surprising, though, seeing as he to a steep dive in June. Having occupied the #50 for the last two SMAs, it shouldn’t have come as a shock that Jay Brannan had to bite the dust, but on the SMA, it’s often those who fall quickly and steeply who really are in trouble, while those who fall more steadily may over time have a chance to build a kind of loyalty. Very few have been with us of all of the way – and neither has Brannan – but with his long tenure, he increases his chances of being let back in. Capping off the list of farwells is Carter Jenkins, whose frequent flashes of skin was one of few good things about Valentine’s Day.

As always, the changes on the list are usually attributable to a guy being considered by me to be relatively more attractive than he was considered last month. That, however, of course doesn’t necessarily mean that any of the other people on this list have become markedly less attractive, only that they perhaps have not been as good at getting my attention lately.

So, let’s break it down:

#1-10: From what I can gather, the sixth season has been a good one for fans of a scantily clad Hunter Parrish, and he is properly honored with the top spot on the SMA.The jury’s still out on whether the show has some juice left in it, but the blond sensation still gets my… yeah, you get the picture. Competing for top honors was one of the great surprises of October. He has been the topic of an Early Gay Crushes post in the past, and he has a history in the SMA top ten, but Chris Egan’s #2 showing is still remarkable. Such rapid climbs are unusual in the top two tiers, but Egan, formerly of Home and Away fame, was catapulted by the Norwegian premiere of romantic comedy Letters to Juliet.

Also solidly on the positive side is Jesse McCartney, whose new single has given him a burst of attention. McCartney is not the classic beauty he once was, but old gay crushes don’t fade that easily. He is still super cute. In a now family pattern, David Gallagher’s SMA standing is rising, due to recent reruns of the final couple seasons of 7th Heaven, while Zac Hanson holds up well in the aftermath of the June release of new Hanson album Shout It Out. The buzz couldn’t possibly keep up with the first couple months, but Zac, too, benefits from years of EGC loyalty.

The other Zac – Efron – dipped somewhat this month, mostly because a new movie forced him to grow a beard. It doesn’t suit him. It wouldn’t be too worried about his long-term prospects, though. The Life and Death of Charlie St. Cloud is set to open in Norway in December, and if I really wanted to, I could have just googled him, and then he would instantly have claimed a higher spot on this list. I suspect the same would be true for Taylor Lautner, but at the moment, I just think I’m a little tired of him. Maybe I’m spending too much time on celebrity message boards, but if I have to see another paparazzi picture of him walking, driving, drinking coffee or tanking his car, I gonna scream. Until I’m back squealing with joy because he is so incredibly hot.

#11-20: The two newcomers, Chord Overstreet and Sterling Knight, both come from the world of television. This week’s Glee was practically rubbing Overstreet in my little gay face – he had no less than three shirtless shower scenes! – and predictable as it may be, I responded accordingly. There is something very attractive about his slightly feminine looks. And, his name is Chord. Gotta love that. Admittedly, Knight’s arrival had less to do with Sonny With a Chance than the Disney Channel movie Starstruck, but the sitcom, which I am periodically exposed to, is still a pleasant reminder, however otherwise mediocre.

In related news, it was a stable month for Nick Jonas (#11) and Raviv Ullman (#17). The youngest Jonas brother, benefiting from my periodic watching of the family’s sitcom, has seems to have buffed up somewhat lately, and I confess to being attracted to his new image. Ullman has a new sitcom of his own, Rita Rocks, but to me he is still Phil Duffy of the middling Disney sitcom Phil of the Future. The memories of that show has shown themselves to be surprisingly valid currency on the SMA.

The unveiling of what looks like a pretty unexciting new Skins generation could perhaps have been expected to boost the standing of Skins alumni Mitch Hewer and Luke Pasqualino, but instead they’re both falling. It wasn’t always so, though. In an earlier draft, Mitch Hewer was actually lifted back into the top ten, courtesy of his Glee audition tape, but since this SMA edition has been a long time in the making, the memory was allowed to fade. Similarly, Tyler Hoechlin looked poised to ride the 7th Heaven rerun wave to renewed top ten fame, until that kind of fizzled out, and he remained in place at #19. I expect Jesse Eisenberg, known on the SMA as a master of momentum, to benefit handsomely from the upcoming Norwegian premiere for The Social Network.

#21-30: Aside from the aforementioned climb for Joe Jonas, the third tier has two big stories; the rise of Joseph Gordon-Levitt and the stellar debut of Chris Colfer. Rising sixteen spots to #27, this could be the definitive SMA breakthrough for the talented Gordon-Levitt. The success of Inception should mean permanent superstardom for a guy I have admired deeply ever since 2004′s Mysterious Skin. In the case of Colfer, he is one of those unconventional cuties. He is not normally my type, but he is just so incredibly charming, and his character on Glee is one of the most complex and consistently fascinating characters on broadcast television. These are two very powerful forces. Also, I love the fact that he’s such a confident and down to earth ambassador for gay representations on TV. I think I may be in love.

In Attitude‘s August issue, Dougie Poynter got his full Jamie Bell on, and thus, his impressive #22 was not terribly surprising. The British rocker not only looks quite a lot like Bell, he frequently borrows a page from the playbook Bell wrote by appeared sans clothing in Hallam Foe. Judging from the reaction from the SMA, both should do it more often. Despite having appeared naked in movies in the past, though, neither Leonardo DiCaprio, Kevin Zegers nor Charlie Hunnam get an October, although Hunnam climbs slightly.

On the negative side, it seems like Xavier Samuel’s #13 debut in June was a little high; he drops a noteworthy thirteen spots, despite the fact that I actually saw Eclipse a second time just over a month ago. The eye candy notwithstanding, I’m not sure if I have liked any of the first three Twilight, but since I sometimes think about what’s driving the Team Edward forces (he is boring, and Robert Pattinson is so not hotter than Taylor Lautner), I guess I’ll stick around for the movie series.

In a similar vein, Taylor Hanson follows brother Zac in slipping from his Shout It Out-infused June showing. He still impressed me – in every sense – in a live show I saw from New York in September. I hope they will continue to do occasional livestreams from the third leg of the Shout It Out tour when it starts in November. But my utmost wish continues to be that Hanson will someday do a show in Norway. Maybe if they somwhow regain MMMBop era popularity.

#31-40: It’s always a little weird to watch people grow up on in public, but like Daniel Radcliffe. My Family‘s Gabriel Thomson has grown up to become a fine young man. I’m not sure if I bought how the sure suddenly turned Michael Harper gay, but his sexuality led to some pretty funny storylines in the show’s tenth season. Thomson is not the only one with experience in the #30s with experience playing a gay character, though. Jonathan Taylor Thomas, who played gay in Common Ground and bisexual in Speedway Junky, slips to #34, while Randy Harrison of Queer as Folk (who is gay in real life) slides a massive fourteen spots. The SMA can be a volatile place for guys who live on past performances, but I still haven’t seen all of QaF. so I doubt Harrison will disappear from the list anytime soon.

Elsewhere, the case of Lukas Podolski is interesting. It may not be terribly surprising that I soccer player who has done some modeling appears on a list like this, but every time I watch him play, I am reminded that he looks ever so slightly like Isaac Hanson. That wouldn’t have been so weird, if it hadn’t been that I have never considered Ike particularly attractive. I could of course be because Podolski, in addition to a strikingly handsome face, has a smoking hot body, one which he willingly showed off during the German World Cup adventure. In his first appearance on the SMA, Podolski place in the #40 in July 2008, but I sense that he’ll be a keeper this time.

In other sports-related news, Rafael Nadal climbs three spots to #39, while Fernando Torres takes #35. Torres could use some good news, with his lackluster performance for the World Cup-winning Spaniards, and a start of the new Premier League season that has been just as awful for Torres as for his club, Liverpool. What matter more on the SMA, however, is his new shorter haircut, since it was that which landed him a five spot rise.

Finally, Corey Monteith, no longer the sole Glee presence on here, has stabilized at #37. As I’ve discussed previously, I’m not quite sure how attractive I think he is, but while I try to decide, he seems to be safe. That said, his Glee character isn’t doing him any favors. Finn is just so dumb and uninteresting, and it isn’t helping that he’s dating Rachel.

#41-49: In the lowest tier, things looks predictably gloomy. Human yo-yo Ed Westwick in back in the negative, slipping nine spots to just barely earn another month. Brady Corbet rise in June proved short-lived, as he is once again firmly placed in the relegation zone. It should be noted that he has played this game of survivor like a pro in the past, as has Rhys Wakefield and Ryan Phillippe, to name just a few. Still, a seventeen spot slide is a rather brutal return to normal for the 90s heartthrob.

Brutal could also be used to describe the fall of Sean Faris. On the very first SMA, he was as high as #9, so dropping in #40s could possibly signal a firewall collapsing. There’s nothing wrong with Faris’ physical appearance, except for the fact that he sometimes comes off as so picture-perfect he borders on boring. Let’s se how he adapts to having to fight for his SMA life. The same holds true for the weakened presences of Gaspard Ulliel and Liam Hemsworth. 10+ spot declines are never promising signs.

To the extent that momentum matters, that means Mitch Firth and Matt Prokop may well om steadier footing than the abovementioned three. Both Prokop and Firth seems to have stabilized, and at least Firth can tap into the Early Gay Crushes loyalty fund.

  1. Hunter Parrish (Previous ranking: 2)
  2. Chris Egan (14)
  3. Nicholas Hoult (3)
  4. Zac Hanson (1)
  5. Emile Hirsch (6)
  6. Jesse McCartney (12)
  7. David Gallagher (9)
  8. Logan Lerman (5)
  9. Zac Efron (7)
  10. Taylor Lautner (4)
  11. Nick Jonas (11)
  12. Mitch Hewer (10)
  13. Ryan Sheckler (8)
  14. Chord Overstreet (new)
  15. Jesse Eisenberg (16)
  16. Chris Lowell (18)
  17. Raviv Ullman (17)
  18. Luke Pasqualino (15)
  19. Tyler Hoechlin (19)
  20. Sterling Knight (new)
  21. Charlie Hunnam (22)
  22. Dougie Poynter (RE)
  23. Chris Colfer (new)
  24. Ryan Donowho (23)
  25. Kevin Zegers (21)
  26. Xavier Samuel (13)
  27. Joseph Gordon-Levitt (43)
  28. Taylor Hanson (20)
  29. Leonardo DiCaprio (28)
  30. Joe Jonas (47)
  31. Adam Brody (24)
  32. Gabriel Thomson (new)
  33. Jonathan Taylor Thomas (26)
  34. Lukas Podolski (RE)
  35. Fernando Torres (40)
  36. Jamie Bell (30)
  37. Cory Monteith (37)
  38. Randy Harrison (25)
  39. Rafael Nadal (42)
  40. Lucas Till (38)
  41. Sean Faris (31)
  42. Liam Hemsworth (33)
  43. Gaspard Ulliel (32)
  44. Matt Prokop (44)
  45. Mitch Firth (45)
  46. Ryan Phillippe (29)
  47. Rhys Wakefield (49)
  48. Corbin Bleu (46)
  49. Ed Westwick (41)
  50. Brady Corbett (39)
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19 Responses to In SMA Veteran’s October Win, A Return to 2008

  1. I had a feeling Chord Overstreet would make it onto this list. I still can’t believe his name is “Chord.” Really?

    • queerlefty says:

      Seems like lots of people really hate his name. I think it’s cute. So is he. But this week’s episode was almost too much when it came to the camera drooling over his handsomeness. I mean, three shirtless scene. I’m not complaining, but I’d feel less pervy about it if they were a little less blatant. I feel like he’ll have and long and prosperous career on the SMA.

      • I think he’s handsome for like… 3 seconds when the camera is farther from his face… I know that doesn’t sound like a compliment but it is! hahaha

        But Chord’s close-ups don’t work for me. I’d rather have a close-up of Finn. (But Finn’s handsomeness diminishes when the camera pulls back.)

        I guess I’m hard to please.

      • queerlefty says:

        Franz,

        I get what you’re saying, although I disagree somewhat. I’m completely sold on Chord, but I see the point that his brand of handsomeness could be so perfect so as to be almost bland after a while. With Cory Monteith, I’m still trying to decide how much I really like him. It depends on my mood, and on just how annoying Finn is in any particular episode. I think they need to break up Finn and Rachel. They’re just not interesting enough to keep my attention for their storylines.

        I love close-ups of Chord, but if the camera pulled back to reveal yet another moment of shirtlessness, I’d be fine with that too ;)

  2. jay says:

    Xavier Samuel was really good in Eclipse , I thought he had quite a presence and I realy liked him in Newcastle . I caught him in ‘ The Loved Ones ‘ and he was rather good in that even though he was pretty much ‘slient’ for the film .

    I sort of think weeds is better this season the whole road trip story and of Hunter , who would make a fab boyfriend for Kurt . Of course I’m lovin Sam in glee so I’m pleased to see his debut on the list .

    • queerlefty says:

      Jay,

      I’m still stuck with Weeds’ fifth season, and I’ve only seen stills from the sixth season yet. That said, the still I’ve seen have been highly rewarding, so to speak. Still can’t decide if I think his face or his body is more perfect. He is just so beautiful.

      I like Chord Overstreet’s character on Glee, but I’m not sure if I’m all that happy with him pairing up with Quinn. She’s definitely among the least interesting characters, though not as flat-out annoying as Rachel.

  3. Chef E says:

    You keep me in the loop- such interesting reading QL!

    Hope you are doing fine!

    • queerlefty says:

      E,

      sorry about the late reply! Thanks for your encouragement; I’m glad to be of service ;)

      I’m doing just fine. There’s a film festival in my hometown at the moment, so I’ve got an excuse to see more films than I usually get the chance to.

  4. jessiecarty says:

    I’m so glad to see Joseph Gordon-Levitt climbing the charts. He was a cute kid on “Third Rock from the Son” and I really enjoyed “Brick” but “Inception” just showed who he was as an actor and what a fine looking young man he has turned into :)

    *wait is it getting hot in here*

  5. llamanation says:

    I stumbled upon your blog when I was searching for Hanson related things. Anyway, I love this list, but I have one question: Where’s Gabriel Byrne? :)

  6. Timian says:

    No Jensen Ackles? Really? He’s so fantastically gorgeous I’m always surprised when he doesn’t rate at least a mention.

    And hey, great blog!

  7. queerlefty says:

    Timian,

    there’s no denying that Jensen Ackles is beautiful. However, so far he hasn’t appealed to me on a level that would qualify for an SMA showing. That said, I’m always open to outside influence, so just might have put him in contention.

    • Timian says:

      That I am responding to your comment now, more than a year later, is evidence both of my horrendous email backlog (*terrifying*) and my continued admiration for your blog and remarkable lucidity in a language that isn’t even your own. (I barely speak English, and it’s my first — and notably only — language, so my respect is great.)

      For the past three years or so I’ve had infrequent opportunities to get online for any reason other than online banking, and yet I’ve kept your blog in the back of my head as something I’d love to read regularly, once (possibly if) I’m able. And lo, I seem to be going without sleep tonight, and that’s granted me a time window I don’t normally have.

      Anyway, I read several of your most recent posts and once again, yes, you’re wonderfully bright, thoughtful and informed. You also strike me as terrifically fair, which I should think is rare in any country (although possibly less so in Scandinavia, sigh). But quick, before you think I’m deeper than a tortilla, I have a few hoarded photos of Jensen Ackles I’ll email to you for purposes of research. (Right. Research. I’d hate for anyone to make a hasty decision regarding pretty men. ::cough::)

      Seriously though, thank you. It’s wonderful to stumble across such a thoughtful, active mind. It really is. I’m glad you’re putting yourself out there. I think you raise the tone of the room simply by being in it.

    • Timian says:

      Aaaand I just realized there is no obvious “contact me” link anywhere that I can see. Do you have a public email account associated with the site? Granted, photos of Jensen may not be high on your list (I’ll be blunt: this erodes my opinion of you), but if you would like a few giganto versions of photos you may have already seen, feel free to point me in the direction of an email address. :)

      • queerlefty says:

        Timian,

        thank you so much for those kind words. Seriously, it means a lot to know that there are people out there reading my stuff. I’m in my fifth year of blogging regularly in English now, and while I try to imagine something of an ideal reader in order to have somebody to write for (and I do have maybe two or three regular commenters), it’s always a particular thrilling whenever somebody I haven’t seen here in awhile drops a line.

        Now, on to more important matters: The SMA, which has been on hiatus for a long, long time, hopefully will make a triumphant return later this month (whenever I get done with the year in movies stuff), so it’s not too late to sway my mind with regards to Jensen Ackles ;) Send any and all types of feedback to welcometoallofthat@yahoo.com

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