How I Tried And Failed To Hate Jonas Brothers

I’ve written several times before about how I don’t want to confirm gay stereotypes. Yes, I love ABBA, I confess to love Savage Garden, have been a Hanson fan for a decade, and I’ve even grown fond of movie musicals over the last couple of years. But, still, I have no interest whatsoever in either fashion, or make-up or shoes or shallow celebrities. I’m simply refuse to be that kind of gay. And this fear of running my gayness into overdrive hit me again when I realized I’m now officially an avid Disney Channel viewer.

Of course, watching Disney Channel is not gay in and of itself. The targeted audience are somewhere between toddlers and pre-teens. But the reason for my individual viewership is as gay as it comes. I knew something was wrong when I forced myself to like the initially unbearable family-oriented sitcom Phil of the Future, solely because of it’s boyishly cute lead, Ricky Ullman. Then the same thing happened when Jesse McCartney and Zac Efron guest-starred on the deafening Suite Life of Zack and Cody. Even though I’ve managed to keep away from That’s So Raven and Hannah Montana, that’s probably just because they have female leads.

What’s most concerning, though, isn’t that I sometimes give in to my needs to drool over hot guys in dreadful shows (after all, I took pride in my 7th Heaven worship for eleven long, and increasingly terrible seasons). No, it is that I have come to return to these shows because I think they’re sorta funny. I think Pim The Ice Princess in Phil deserves a laugh, and same goes for the deliciously goofy rich brat London, or the wooden Mr. Moseby, on The Suite Life. I know I should dismiss it as noisy, low-brow drivel, but most of the time I can’t. It was the same with FOX’s sitcom Malcolm in the Middle for the first two or three seasons. The Disney shows cannot match the hilariously rebellious streak of the Wilkerson saga of course, but it took me quite some time to look past the over-the-top-ness of that critical darling, as well.

And now it has happened again. A long-time foe of simplistic college rock, but at the same time a secret fan of catchy pop music of all kinds, I’ve found I cannot simply dismiss the latest Disney Channel household name, either. The Jonas Brothers now have their own franchise going, and the first few singles are actually just as catchy as the boys are cute. There is a certain all-out pop self-confidence in their appearance that sings to me, beyond their pleasant looks. Again, I know I shouldn’t, and especially not if I don’t want my gay instincts to overshadow my critical mind, but I simply can’t get that hit single, S.O.S., out of my head.

When your hear it, I bet you can’t either.

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