Extending Winning Streak To Three Months Means May Sexiest Male Title Is Still A First For Emile Hirsch

At first glance, this might seem like a rather uneventful month on the Sexiest Males Alive list, with the delayed Norwegian release of 17 Again postponing the inevitable Emile Hirsch/Zac Efron showdown t0 June, at the earliest. Also, the fact that Luke Pasquialino, by far the best takeaway from the seriously uneven third season of Skins, ran unopposed for Newcomer Of The Month, would seem to indicate that things have settled in some way. While that could be true, a couple of things disrupt that notion. The list of newcomers is short, but two previous friends of the SMA have suddenly re-emerged, much like Daniel Radcliffe and Joseph Gordon-Levitt have also done in recent months: Jay Brannan’s re-entry was the nearly inevitable consequence of my rewatching Shortbus and embracing his musical talents, but his #18 showing still is impressive. Even more so when you consider that he was kicked off the list way back in November. More surprisingly though, Jeremy Sumpter comes from absolutely nowhere to take #35. I guess true beauty just won’t be ignored, no matter the lack of exposure the former Peter Pan has suffered. They are both warmly welcomed back. Also, the fact that few new guys have moved in, doesn’t mean that people haven’t moved around.

Before we continue however, I owe Chris Lowell an apology. The reason he is marked with a (RE), is simply because he somehow fell off the list last month, although I didn’t mean for him to. He was included in an early draft, but for some reason, he never made it onto the list I eventually published, despite my initial intention. While he’s now back (at #37), the little slip could nevertheless suggest that he could face trouble getting the attention needed to climb in the coming months. Still, underexposure of course is no excuse for my mistake.

Speaking of lack of exposure, May looks the month when the fact that Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist still has no Norwegian distributor came back to punish Rafi Gavron, whose massive thirteen spot slide marks this month’s steepest decline. And in even less positive news, this is, at least for now, the end of the road for long-standing SMA-ers like Randy Harrison and Max Theriot, in addition to Daniel Agger and Rhys Wakefield.

As always, the changes on the list are usually caused by any particular guy being considered by me to be relatively more attractive than he was considered last month. That, however, of course doesn’t necessarily mean that any of the other people on this list have become markedly less attractive, only that they perhaps have not been as good at getting my attention lately. With that said, let’s break it down:

#1-10: First, we need to congratulate Emile Hirsch on becoming the first guy to hold the top spot for three consecutive months.Possibly lost in the Hirsch v. Efron rivalry however, is the small matter of Hunter Parrish. The man who was number one before any of them reportedly stars alongside Efron in 17 Again, making him a wild card for top honors once that film finally premieres. And of course, June will also see the fifth season premiere of Weeds, making it very likely that something equal in hotness to last season’s steamy nakedness will emerge. Elsewhere, I really should stop talking about the inherent stability and closeness of the top five or six spots on this list. While that holds true for the first four, David Gallagher placing fifth is his best position, and further proof that speculation would probably just foster another round of false prognostications. It happened when Raviv Ullman took #5 two months ago, and now it has happened again. Generally it has been a good month, with not only Gallagher but also Tyler Hoechlin scoring a personal best, courtesy of continuous 7th Heaven syndication. And still we haven’t mentioned that both Chris Egan (whose show Kings was dropped by NBC when the fall schedule was revealed this week), and Logan Lerman, whose new Gamer trailer and poster (although he’s hidden underneath the image of Gerard Butler) once and for all attests to his future heartthrob potential, also rise to previous unseen levels.

#11-20: Obviously, when I talked about stability I only referred to the lack of newcomers. The second tier is now one big volatile pool of cuteness, with last month’s climbers Ryan Sheckler and Gaspard Ulliel paying the price for Chris Egan’s and Tyler Hoechlin’s upward mobility. No less notable though, is Zac Hanson’s and Matt Prokop’s collective surge. Prokop may be profiting from his slight resemblance to our favorite drummer-songwriter, but if so, they both should extend their thanks to my loyal readers and friends Smilie and Bryan, whose persistent sales pitches for Zac have not only strengthened my longstanding relationship with the Tulsa treasure, but also convinced me of their impeccable tastes. This goes to show that while this list certainly is a barometer of my personal taste, that taste is subject to such rapid change that I’m definitely open to and appreciative of outside influence. In a way, I suppose the hugely impressive re-entry of Jay Brannan could be attributable to Bryan’s prodding as well. With his music career and all, Brannan may have enough strings to pull for this to be the restart of a long and beautiful friendship between him and the SMA.

This means that several of the old players, like Raviv Ullman, Charlie Hunnam and Alex Pettyfer, have gotten another challenge to fight. Ullman’s continued dive is somewhat worrisome, because it seems to suggest that Phil of the Future reruns will no longer be sufficient to keep him a Top Ten contender. I’m also a little surprised that Pettyfer is down even though new, less-than-clothed stills from Tormented came to my attention this month. Finally, Luke Pasqualino could be a keeper, despite the consistent mediocrity of this season of Skins and his relative lack of skin exposure. I don’t know exactly what it is I love about this guy, particularly since I have previously bemoaned the potential dullness of incredibly perfect-looking people like Chace Crawford (whom he holds no obvioua resemblance to, but whose easy-on-the-eye perfection should theoretically provoke a similar reaction), but apart from obsceneties, all the justification I can muster is a simple WOW! Capital letters and all. That has to mean something.

#21-30: With a more crowded second tier, the consequences are felt here. Jesse Eisenberg has always been bouncing between the high tens and the low twenties, and this month is no exception. He could of course easily bounce back when Adventureland crosses the Atlantic this summer. In the positive then, Jonathan Taylor Thomas joins the ranks of those never to be written off, while Mitch Firth is riding the wave of nostalgia afforded to Home and Away by my Early Gay Crushes installment on Chris Egan earlier this month . Matt Prokop already took the mantle as the best climber among last month’s newcomers, but William Moseley comes in an impressive second, advancing four spots, and in the process barely surpassing Shad Moss, to come in at #26 to his #28. I see no obvious reason why Sean Faris should suffer a six spot fall, but his decline coincides with similar slides for Jamie Bell and Ed Speleers. All three of them should of course be Top Twenty material, and they probably will be again soon enough. Adam Brody seems to have stabilized slightly below his high-point of late 2008/early 2009.

#31-40: Apart from the curious case of Chris Lowell, we have two positive stories to report. One is the sudden re-emergence of Sumpter, proving that once you’re in my memory bank you could go as high as anyone, if you’re only patient enough. His comeback has no outside explanation whatsoever, I just woke up one day (don’t ask) to realize that he’s actually far cuter than I give him credit for. The second story is about British footballer Andrew Carroll, making a seven spot jump to land at #40. In the long run however, it could potentially be very troublesome for him that his team, Newcastle United, looks like it’s going to be relegated from the Premiership, thus potentially limit his exposure for next season. The exposure thing of course would have been a challenge in the shorter run too, with the the campaign winding down this weekend. Another footballer, Cristiano Ronaldo, is going in the exactly opposite direction of Carroll, in every sense. Not only did his team, Manchester United, secure yet another Premiership title this month, but his trajectory on the SMA list contrasts Carroll’s as well. Once a Top Ten staple, maxing out as high as #5 last summer, he has now fallen another eight spots, to a decidedly unglamorous #31, and if his rumored move to Real Madrid pans out, he could even disappear from view.

Also sinking are Dev Patel, Leonardo DiCaprio and Aaron Carter. It could be that the mediocrity of the third season might prompt me to rewatch the first two seasons of Skins, but otherwise I can’t see any obvious way up for Patel. He’s definitely attractive, in a charmingly unconventional sort of way, but since he’s not one of those who will continue to demand my attention by the sheer force 0f star power, I’m a little unsure of his future on the SMA. For Carter and DiCaprio, these kinds of ups and downs are common, and probably no threat to their overall survival. Revolutionary Road‘s European DVD release next month could help lift Leo, while Carter will simply have to accept that there will always be an internal battle in my brain over how sexy he really is. Or, to put it more bluntly: How much of a jerk can you be and still be counted among the beautiful people? My guess is, my instincts will continue to win out, but that I’ll still move him around on the list, if only to make myself feel better about it.

#41-50: As you can see, Michael Pitt is actually the only one on the rise here, and that’s mainly because I recently wrote a Norwegian version of my Young Leonardos, and needed some visual assistance to motivate myself. That said, we know from experience that several of those who seem to be slipping now will probably bounce back somewhat next month. Brady Corbet and Joseph Gordon-Levitt could easily benefit from my plan to rewatch Mysterious Skin (for something like the eight time) in the purpose of writing about it, and the latter also has a rather promising rom-com musical (!), 500 Days of Summer, set for a summer release. That said, there’s not getting around that the main tencency of this tier is a downward slide. I guess Chace Crawford’s slight resemblance to Zac Efron should help him, but still there’s something about his amazing well-sculptured dullness that keeps me from embracing him. Ryan Phillippe will never have that problem, but that makes his fall this month harder to explain. For Daniel Radcliffe, his upcoming Harry Potter movie should help reignite my fading interest in the blessedly gay-friendly, while Gareth Bale, like every other footballer on the list, could face a challenge couple of months now that the Premiership season is drawing to a close.

  1. Emile Hirsch (1)
  2. Zac Efron (2)
  3. Hunter Parrish (4)
  4. Jesse McCartney (3)
  5. David Gallagher (8)
  6. Nicholas Hoult (6)
  7. Chris Egan (11)
  8. Mitch Hewer (5)
  9. Logan Lerman (10)
  10. Tyler Hoechlin (13)
  11. Ryan Sheckler (9)
  12. Gaspard Ulliel (7)
  13. Zac Hanson (19)
  14. Luke Pasqualino (new)
  15. Matt Prokop (22)
  16. Raviv Ullman (14)
  17. Charlie Hunnam (12)
  18. Jay Brannan (RE)
  19. Alex Pettyfer (15)
  20. Ryan Donowho (19)
  21. Kevin Zegers (16)
  22. Jesse Eisenberg (17)
  23. Jonathan Taylor Thomas (25)
  24. Jamie Bell (20)
  25. Ed Speleers (21)
  26. William Moseley (31)
  27. Mitch Firth (30)
  28. Shad Moss (25)
  29. Adam Brody (29)
  30. Sean Faris (24)
  31. Cristiano Ronaldo (23)
  32. Aaron Carter (28)
  33. Dev Patel (27)
  34. Taylor Hanson (35)
  35. Jeremy Sumpter (RE)
  36. Leonardo DiCaprio (33)
  37. Chris Lowell (RE)
  38. Fernando Torres (34)
  39. Rafael Nadal (36)
  40. Andrew Carroll (47)
  41. Joe Jonas (41)
  42. Ryan Phillippe (37)
  43. Chace Crawford (40)
  44. Daniel Radcliffe (39)
  45. Rafi Gavron (32)
  46. Michael Pitt (50)
  47. Cody Linley (42)
  48. Brady Corbet (45)
  49. Gareth Bale (38)
  50. Joseph Gordon-Levitt (50)
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14 Responses to Extending Winning Streak To Three Months Means May Sexiest Male Title Is Still A First For Emile Hirsch

  1. poeticgrin says:

    My ego wishes to thank you for recognizing just how influential I am.

    Jay Brannan, who I am sure reads your website, will now surely be forced to admit that I am his biggest fan due to your acknowledgement of my relentless campaigning for him. (JAY, CALL ME. REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOUR FAQ PAGE ON YOUR WEBSITE SAYS, LET ME WRITE A SONG FOR YOU! I’LL CALL IT QUEEN OF THE JUNGLE. BRYAN RHYMES (KINDA) WITH LION. ROAR.)

    Matt Prokop is new to me. It’s like Christmas. A brand new Google Image Search!

    You give me hours, no – DAYS, of entertainment. I need to write something but I will now be cyberstalking once again.

  2. queerlefty says:

    Glad to be of service, Bryan.

    Jay is great. Considering how well your recent dips into mixing music and poetry have come out, I’m sure you and Jay would make a great team. Yeah, I know, writing lyrics is different. But still.

    Prokop is one of several reasons to see HSM3. Do you see my point when comparing him to Zac Hanson?

  3. Smilie says:

    As always you publish an awesome list! For the record I have to say “Damn you!” for getting Jay Brannan on my radar. I can’t get his song “Can’t Have It All” out of my head! I may have to break down and buy some of his music.

    Another one who’s appeared on my radar lately is Neil Patrick Harris (I know…I’m surprised too). I’ve started watching the sitcom “How I Met Your Mother.” While not classically beautiful, there’s just something about him…

  4. queerlefty says:

    Thank you, Smile.

    About NPH: Eeeh… I really don’t know. I think I can be influenced by his personal charms (as seen in HIMYM), but physically he doesn’t do much for me.

    I’m glad you’ve embraced Jay Brannan. I having the same ‘problem’ with ‘At First Sight’. Love it.

  5. poeticgrin says:

    For me it’s ‘Housewife’ :)

  6. Smilie says:

    NPH didn’t really do anything for me at first either, but I think he’s starting to grow on me. :-)

  7. queerlefty says:

    NPH has a certain charm that makes him interesting. My mind is still struggling to realize that he’s not ‘Doogie Howser’ anymore though, heh. Guess I should catch up on HIMYM.

  8. poeticgrin says:

    Question – do you consider guys like JTT or Zac Hanson forever frozen in time, at the god-like peak of their popularity? Or do you place them here even when they’ve somewhat faded into obscurity? For me, they continue to exist in their prime. Ah, memory and imagination, I honor thee!

  9. queerlefty says:

    Great question, Bryan, though I’m not sure I fully understand it. Are you asking me if I view and cherish them the same way today that I did ten years ago; if my view of them are still basically based upon what I loved about them back then?

    If that’s the question, then my answer is yes, and no. I’m so aware of and grateful for what they contributed to my formative years that that loyalty still plays a healthy part in my admiration for them. But at the same time, I love them for who they have become, both professionally and physically.

    I wrote briefly about this in my EGA about Leonardo DiCaprio last fall. If all the contenders to the SMA throne were to be compared to a pure version of 1997 Leo, he would lead the SMA, because my crush on him was more intense then almost anything else I’ve experienced fandom-wise since. When Leo routinely comes in in the 30’s on the SMA, that is because I evaluate him on the basis of both his 1997 and his 2009 appearance, if you see my point.

    I’m not sure if that came even remotely close to answering your question, though. Thanks for asking, anyway.

  10. poeticgrin says:

    You understood correctly and answered appropriately. :)

  11. Team Hirsch!

    I haven’t heard of anything about David Gallagher since “7th Heaven” ended. Did he completely give up on acting?

    And Dev Patel? Really?? Some of my girlfriends LOVE him. I just don’t see it for some reason.

  12. queerlefty says:

    I think Gallagher’s still throwing himself out there – if you pardon the hustler connotations of that – doing guest appearances and such, but he hasn’t exactly succeeded in taking his career to the next level after 7H. He starred in the sequel to the godawful Barry Watson horror flick ‘Boogeyman’ last year, and before that he did an adaptation of ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’, but to me he’ll always be Simon Camnden. As long as the show is in regular syndication, I’m perfectly happy. How about you? Do you like him?

    And yes, Dev Patel. Sorta. It feels like I’m slowly losing interest, but I think he’s kinda cute, and he seems like a nice guy.

  13. Jamie says:

    Gaspard Ulliel,Nicholas Hoult, Luke Pasqualino, William Moseley and Ravi Gavron are BEAUTIFUL boys- my favourites. Dont see the appeal in very pretty boys, or in emile im afraid. But keep up the list-love it! :)

  14. queerlefty says:

    Thanks, Jamie. I agree on your picks, obviously, but I’m a little surprised that your taste doesn’t cover Emile. Oh well.

    If all’s well, the SMA list will return at the end of the month.

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