For SMA’s June Anniversary, Zac Hanson Gets His Revenge

There’s no limit to how wrong I can be sometimes. Now the time has come to give a particularly tough spin on my apology to Zac Hanson, of whom I said – in an adoring Early Gay Crushes piece, no less! – that he would “never be hot”. To my defense, I did add “at least not in the classic sense”, which may still be correct, and I could of course not foresee exactly how great the drummer would look in 2010. But I was wrong, bigtime. The clearest proof of that is that he know sits atop the second anniversary edition of the Sexiest Males Alive, propelled by the early June release of the pop/rock trio’s new album, Shout It Out, and the recent stream of retrospective live performances on their website. That makes Zac the first guy to make it to #1 after having been knocked off the list in the past. He clawed onto the inaugural June 2008 list at at a last-place #45, and didn’t return until the September 2008 edition. This time, I think it’s safe to say he’s here to stay.

In other positive news, but for no apparent reason, model/actor William Moseley, of Narnia fame, climbs a massive 14 spots, to #34. I haven’t seen the Narnia movies, and I don’t plan to, but that guy is just beautiful. Not surprisingly, this being a list celebrating male beauty, that is also the reason why Xavier Samuel is the one guy who made it as a newcomer this month. His presence made for several heart-stopping scenes in the reasonably entertaining The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, a movie that also boosted colleague Taylor Lautner (see below). The soccer World Cup accounts for two of the three reappearances, as Portoguese Cristiano Ronaldo and Spaniard Fernando Torres have been given ample television time over the last few weeks. Rejoining the list from the ranks of previous Early Gay Crushes is Ryan Phillippe, on the strength of his sheer beauty, in my instance last seen in 1998’s 54. Finally, capitalizing on my research for the recent Mysterious Skin piece, Brady Corbett is back, too.

The negative news are altogether more spectacular, though. How about the near-fatal 24 – that twenty-four – spot slide for Joe Jonas? He needs to accept that shorter hair isn’t doing him any favor. A sharp slide had been known to get a correction the next month, though, so maybe Chace Crawford’s falling 16 spots bodes even worse. Not only does he come in below Jonas, he stumbles for the second SMA in a row. Back in February he was an optimistic #17. The fates of Gareth Bale, Ed Speleers, Dougie Poynter and Daniel Radcliffe merits even less optimism, however. The all fell off the list, although in the case of Radcliffe, I guess that not really a harbinger of permanent absence. No one has resurfaced on the SMA more frequently.

As always, the changes on the list are usually attributable to a guy being considered by me to be relatively more attractive than he was considered last month. That, however, of course doesn’t necessarily mean that any of the other people on this list have become markedly less attractive, only that they perhaps have not been as good at getting my attention lately.

Now that we got that covered, let’s break it down:

#1-10: If there ever was a month for Nicholas Hoult to take #1, well, last month was have been as logical as any, but so would June. My Single Man DVD has arrived, and I’m still blown away by his beauty. As is often the case for close runner-ups, however, their apparently perfect storm was somehow overtaken by an even more perfect storm, in this case one named Shout It Out. And, I should add, by Hunter Parrish. The Weeds star has the second most top honors in SMA history, and if the DVD release of It’s Complicated positioned him for #2, I excited to see what August’s return of Weeds could do for him.

The SMA is mostly about keeping your name out there, and for Twilight‘s Taylor Lautner, he didn’t stop at flashing his name. He is shirtless for most of Eclipse, which takes attention away from his stilted acting, and takes him to #4. Such huge leaps are rare in the top ten, so my guess is we could very well have a new top contender. Previous chart toppers like Emile Hirsch, Logan Lerman and Zac Efron all dip in the wake of Lautner and Hanson’s rise, but with their proven track records, I would be reluctant to read much into it. Efron’s fall to #7 is historic, though, in the sense that none has ever taken a steeper fall from the position of being #1. It’s his second weakest showing to date (he placed #8 twice).

The story behind Ryan Sheckler’s rise to #8 is prosaic; I simply watched a commercial in which he treated his perfect face with a skin care product. Sometimes, that’s all you need to do to bask in SMA glory. David Gallagher and Mitch Hewer both fell victim to incredibly fierce competition. Normally, this should have been Gallagher’s annual chance to shine, as Norwegian syndication of 7th Heaven has yet again reached his prime years on the show. His stability is remarkable.

#11-20: On that note, it’s natural to start by congratulating Tyler Hoechlin with re-entering the top twenty. Hoechlin, another 7th Heaven alum, is helped by exactly the same external forces as Gallagher. He should do more acting. If not because he’s particularly good at it, then because I just love watching him exist. That said, apart from him and the arrival of Xavier Samuel, the big stories from the second tier are mostly negative. Jesse Eisenberg continues his somewhat unpredictable tenure. If anything is predictable about it, it must be that a sharp rise is likely to be followed by an almost equally deep dive, followed by yet another rise the mentioned I watch one of his movies. This month falls to #19, which is around his average. Skins star Luke Pasqualino’s five spot slide is less dramatic, but #15 is still his worst showing since he debuted on the list last year. Maybe the rumored Skins movie could offer him a way to make up the ground he’s lost.

Jesse McCartney and Chris Egan both post modest gains, while Raviv Ullman and Taylor Hanson’s declines are equally modest. McCartney’s minor turnaround would only be worth noting if this means that he has finally broken out of the downward spiral he had been in for the last couple of SMAs. I supposed there a little display of gratitude for long and distinguished service on display here. The source of Egan’s source is hard to pinpoint, but he does have a movie out, the generally derided Letters to Juliet. I should also give a shout-out to Nick Jonas, who is fighting bravely for the family’s honor in the wake of Joe’s near collapse (see above). Staying in #11 is very strong.

#21-30: The first thing that struck me about these names was how experienced they all are. There are no less than three Early Gay Crushes here – Leonardo DiCaprio, Ryan Phillippe and Jonathan Taylor Thomas. In addition, two more – Charlie Hunnam and Randy Harrison – made their most prominent work ten years ago, in the UK and US versions of Queer as Folk, respectively. Perhaps unsurprisingly, their is their a fair amount of nostalgic loyalty surrounding all of them. Harrison stumbles a little, but he’s coming off a couple of very successful months, while JTT is trying to regain former strength. DiCaprio could benefit from the recent DVD release of the (seriously underrated) Shutter Island, but his most rosy future prospects hinge on exactly how excellent Christopher Nolan’s upcoming Inception turns out to be. For Phillippe, it should be encouraging to see that he can still thrive on old accomplishments. The uneventful reception of McGruber didn’t hurt him at all.

#31-40: Apart from the climbing William Moseley, the biggest story among the thirtiers may be Logan Huffman impressive nine spot performance. Even thought I don’t watch his show, V, he has a tendency to pop up in the magazines I read and the gossip I pick up around the web. Those stories are often followed by pictures, and in a contest as sensitive to attention-grabbers, Huffman seems to have what it takes. The same can’t be said about Lucas Till, cute blond boy and home state love interest of Miley Cyrus in Hannah Montana: The Movie. Sure, he had a small role in the Jackie Chan-headlined Spy Next Door, but did you really expect me to go watch that. No, Lucas needs to screen his scripts better. That might be true for Liam Hemsworth as well, but I actually did see The Last Song last month, which should offer hope for Till. He doesn’t have to work with von Trier or van Sant to get me to the movies. Hemsworth, surprisingly, was unable to gain much from the exposure. It might have been the ridiculous Miley-as-sea-turtle-savior subplot, but whise a (frequently bare) chest like that, you’d think he’d get more from it.

I’m more impressed by Carter Jenkins gaining three spots months after I saw the awful Valentine’s Day. I attribute it to his being a friend of Hunter Parrish. Everything about Hunter is great, even his taste in male friends. Elsewhere, it’s another month on the edge for Cory Monteith. The next couple of months will go by Glee-less, and a one spot slide could mean that he’s well placed to weather it. But he’s in potentially dangerous terrotory. In the lower thirties, he’s but one big fall away from falling off. Speaking of Glee, Chris Colfer is consistently reminding me that there is more to sexiness than just physical beauty. He’s cute of course, but more than anything he’s charming. I wouldn’t be surprised if he keeps Monteith on the next SMA.

#41-50 I don’t know if this was a more tumultuous lowest-tier than usual, but it feels like it was. Not only did Chace Crawford collapse like only he can, yet again making only the second highest ranked Gossip guy (narrowly beaten by Ed Westwick), Disney heartthrobs Joe Jonas and Matt Prokop had similarly awful showing. Jonas wasn’t lifted by the ongoing Norwegian airing of the second season of his family sitcom, while the boyish Prokop simply insulted my intelligence with his role in Furry Vengeance. I wouldn’t watch it if you paid me handsomely for it, but even the thought of him accepting a part made me looking for ways to punish. A seventeen spot collapse was the best I could think of.

Jay Brannan’s decline seems to continue, which surprised me a little, since I’ve been at work rewriting my gay-by.-association piece lately. Previous gains for Australian soap actors Mitch Firth and Rhys Wakefield proved short-lived, but in terms of their ability to survive on the list, the may still be in better shape than Brannan. Joseph Gordon-Levitt gained little traction from another round of Mysterious Skin, but there’s something about him that tells me he’s pretty safe, too. The best news comes courtesy of Rafael Nadal, who seems poised for another Wimbledon final and possibly a new title this weekend, as his main rival Roger Federer was eliminated yesterday. The bigger question is if Nadal could translate this into permanent gains on the SMA.

  1. Zac Hanson (Previous ranking: 6)
  2. Hunter Parrish (3)
  3. Nicholas Hoult (2)
  4. Taylor Lautner (12)
  5. Logan Lerman (4)
  6. Emile Hirsch (5)
  7. Zac Efron (1)
  8. Ryan Sheckler (13)
  9. David Gallagher (7)
  10. Mitch Hewer (8)
  11. Nick Jonas (11)
  12. Jesse McCartney (15)
  13. Xavier Samuel (new)
  14. Chris Egan (16)
  15. Luke Pasqualino (1o)
  16. Jesse Eisenberg (9)
  17. Raviv Ullman (14)
  18. Chris Lowell (17)
  19. Tyler Hoechlin (25)
  20. Taylor Hanson (19)
  21. Kevin Zegers (22)
  22. Charlie Hunnam (23)
  23. Ryan Donowho (21)
  24. Adam Brody (20)
  25. Randy Harrison (18)
  26. Jonathan Taylor Thomas (28)
  27. Cristiano Ronaldo (RE)
  28. Leonardo DiCaprio (31)
  29. Ryan Phillippe (37)
  30. Jamie Bell (29)
  31. Sean Faris (35)
  32. Gaspard Ulliel (26)
  33. Liam Hemsworth (33)
  34. William Moseley (48)
  35. Carter Jenkins (38)
  36. Logan Huffman (45)
  37. Cory Monteith (36)
  38. Lucas Till (30)
  39. Brady Corbett (RE)
  40. Fearnando Torres (RE)
  41. Ed Westwick (41)
  42. Rafael Nadal (50)
  43. Joseph Gordon-Levitt (44)
  44. Matt Prokop (27)
  45. Mitch Firth (40)
  46. Corbin Bleu (42)
  47. Joe Jonas (24)
  48. Chace Crawford (32)
  49. Rhys Wakefield (43)
  50. Jay Brannan (47)
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2 Responses to For SMA’s June Anniversary, Zac Hanson Gets His Revenge

  1. Jessie Carty says:

    I’m so glad I actually know who hunter Parrish is :) just finished season 2 of weeds and I’m starting season 3. I wonder if you’ve ever considered doing a multiple cultural list?!

    • queerlefty says:

      Jessie,

      I’m so sorry I’m so late with the reply. Great to hear that you appreciate Weeds. It’s a fabulously entertaining show, and it has been admirably consistent over the seasons. Hunter is pleasant company, isn’t he? :)

      To your question, I’m not completely comfortable with the idea of doing a list based on ethnic origin or other such characteristics. That said, I’m aware of the paradox: A list of nearly all white people has that component, too, it’s just not discussed in the same way. There’s plenty of hotness to go around, and I admit that I haven’t done enough to highlight the diversity.

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